After the first week of my (almost!) full load of work

Around 1989 when I was in grad school in New Paltz, Elisa Dávila, the Colombian SUNY professor and my good friend and mentor, told me I should be careful about how I approach my work - I was a strong candidate for a precocious case of burn-out. Almost twenty years have passed since, and for some reason, fortunately, I haven't experienced that dreadful syndrome. However, the way this year has started I'm seriously concerned it may if I don't do something about it. I see the books for each of the subjects I teach, the materials for Aida, the inviting laptop and know that there are so many interesting things to do in each... but, the week begins and I get caught in the eddy of schedules and obligations. As a result, the precious time for planning is never there... Of course, how can I possibly find the time if I have too much to do!?

That's when I feel like quitting. It's even more frustrating when the time and effort do not bring the desired results. I put in an awful lot of my time to work for Aida and now we're not even sure if we'll be able to do it. Apparently I misread the kids' level of commitment. Several of them are, but that is not enough. This has to be a CLASS project. Problems with attendance, two of the main roles rejected by the chosen actors for different reasons... Ah! I'd better not keep going with that, every word I type just increases my frustration. Maybe that and the negative energy I had to face from LM were too much for a beginning of the year.

I need to touch base, quit UNSTA once and for all, and then see if it's really worth going on at Lola Mora -- even when that would mean cutting a third of my income. At some point this past week I got a glimpse of what it would be like to have the evenings for myself -- or rather to do some of the fun stuff I can't get my hands on. And if I plan ahead well enough and get organized, I could even squeeze in some tennis and gym a couple of times a week. Oh god... this WAS likely to happen. My timing is slow in making decisions because I want to take steps that are carefully thought out first. I hope I'm doing it right... I have my first class at UNT this Tuesday, I'm 20% through the material I want to cover. Yes, I want to do too much in just an hour of class, but I know that I have to make that time count... I took JP's advice and did not quit Lola Mora before the first class. The problem is that I've begun and it's hard to pump students up to do work, get them involved and motivated and then tell them I'm leaving. I don't know if that will be the case yet but... it might! Anyway... I just need to get to the point I'm sure that my decision is right, and then move on... Getting past that point will hopefully ease my mind...