The big picture

Greater capacity for seeing the big picture is one of the benefits of the middle-aged brain – so says Barbara Strauch in the NYT today. While we tend to forget names –oh, god!- we also become more adept at recognizing patterns and seeing significance. Ain’t that nice? I have tasted the sweetness of appreciating a poem or a short story as an intellectual erotic game. I have found respite from routine in my fingers on the keyboard right before the blank Word page. I have enjoyed the sounds and sights of my place in the city and have taken the big decision of living closer to the ‘cerros’ beginning in March. This awareness, I thought, was the advantage of greater life experience, but it seems it’s just how the brain operates after the third decade. So, I guess this 2010 I gotta start coming to terms with the fact that, yes –oh god, again-, I am a middle-aged stud! How does that sound as a humble self-confession?

It’s funny how one learns to approach different situations in life quite differently. And yet, I do need a shrink to elaborate a few riddles that cloud some of my inner landscapes. All in all, I don’t complain. I thank God for the blessings, which have been frugal but so meaningful. I’m especially grateful because I’ve learned to live life more fully in my 40s. I’ve had a glimpse of peace here and there, and some ephemeral moments of bliss. So, I can only be optimistic about the scarcities – one way or another they’ll be provided for, and if not, I’ve been treading on the long road to learn how to live with them so that they don’t seem so hauntingly significant anymore. I appreciate being alert enough to cherish my time and memory of people that have been generous in their warmth, company, and compassion with me.